But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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