the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
3pm strippers are depressing
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
