Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
