she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
