Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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