I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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