I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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