Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
