he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
