Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
