I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
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