you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
