Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
