I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
