oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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