he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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