i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
