And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
