I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
