and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
