It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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