Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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