woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
