I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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