I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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