guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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