try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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