Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
