Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Randomize
