So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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