Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
We're like a lot better than the average bears
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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