dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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