your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I'm jealous of your bromance
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
