apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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