i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
