Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
