A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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