Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
