you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
