Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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