You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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