i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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