"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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