I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
So vagazzling was a success
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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