I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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