How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
COCAINE IS GR8
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
