Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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