I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
