SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
