So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
