dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
