Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
