Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
